Just Breathe

I've been telling myself that very phrase over the past month or so. Without going into too much detail, it hasn't been an easy month. However, I feel like I've grown 10x from the beginning of August to the beginning of September.


On a particular Sunday in the month of August, I had the opportunity to go to Sunday School. (Being in nursery hasn't given me that opportunity often.) It was, hands down, THE best lesson I've ever had. She started with three simple questions:

• What does it mean to fully trust God?
• Do you trust God?
• If so, how do you KNOW you trust God?

Wow. Well? As I sat there, I tried to really think about those questions. Did I trust God? Have I ever been put into a situation where I had to rely fully on God? Well, I know that when I made the initial trek to UT, that was me putting 110% of my trust in God. But I didn't feel that was too difficult, honestly. It was a little scary, naturally... but I was so ready for the adventure. So, that brings me back to that first question. Did I trust Him?

She went on talking about Job, and all of the trials he went through. Losing his children, his wife, his prosperity, even his health! And his attitude through the entire experience? "The Lord gave me these things, he has every right to take it away. He knows what is best for me." The entire lesson I felt as if it were directed at me, though I wasn't sure why. It should have worried me! But it didn't. I did seem to think about it as the week progressed, though.

And then I knew why.

The whole day I thought, "Whatever be Thy will, please give me the strength to be accepting." I prayed. And things didn't turn out the way I wanted. (Imagine that!) I allowed myself time to grieve. After about three hours of an emotions going nuts, I came to and thought to myself, "If I prayed so long and hard for help to accept His will, why am I not even trying to be accepting?" And so there it was. I quit my crying, and I tried. And you won't BELIEVE the night and day difference. It was as if all I needed to do was give a little, and He took care of the rest. I immediately felt peace... comfort... overwhelming love. I wasn't sad anymore. Disappointed, naturally. But I knew that it was for my benefit, even if I didn't know all the answers yet.

SO, from that whole ordeal, I've tried hard to change my attitude. I've started going to the temple more (I'm aiming for once a week), and I've made a goal to read the Book of Mormon in 90 days. I'm going to Time Out for Women this weekend (so. so. so. so. excited) and I've been trying to be more personal and grateful in my prayers.

I'm satisfied with where my life is at this moment. I've got so much going for me. There are many who have gone through far worse than I!

Yep. I can't complain one bit.