That quote really speaks to me as I prepare to go home for a visit this weekend. I feel I have grown so much since moving to Utah. Back in Oklahoma, I felt as if I were lost. I wasn't happy with my current lifestyle, I wasn't happy with who I was or what I was doing. I was ultimately heading nowhere.
Whenever my mom asked me to move to Utah with her, I immediately broke down in tears. I knew that this is what the Lord wanted. Whether or not I felt I was strong enough to leave, is a different story. Could I really leave this routine life that I've had for the past 5 years, off and on? Could I truly give everything up that I thought made me "happy"? I had to think about it for a day, but I knew in my heart that it was necessary if I wanted to finally change my life for the better. Interesting how the Lord works... I planned on going to Utah for a couple months, get my act together, then move back to Oklahoma "a new woman" with a fresh outlook. Obviously He didn't feel I was ready, so he put Alex in my life.
At first, he was merely a co-worker, and I didn't realize that he would change my life forever. But as we started dating, he did just that. Funny, I thought that I could control my feelings for him and move back with no problem. As is evident, it did not happen that way. I couldn't control my feelings, I fell for him. It was the best decision of my life.
So now, I am about to go back to the place that I feel mixed emotions about. I love Oklahoma for the fact that I grew up there. My Dad was there. My childhood was there. Some of my best memories growing up are there. But then there is the dark side of it, where everything went horribly awry. This is the first time I've actually started over, and I'm not looking back. I guess I'm nervous because, as history recalls, mistakes have happened time and time again. Thankfully, I have Alex with me for support now. I will not fall back into my old habits. It's a simple as that.
Parents have a huge impact on the way we live our lives. If I weren't raised by the best people I know... I wouldn't have made it through the hard times. I would not be where I am right now.
I didn't have my Dad for long, but for the length I had him was long enough to learn. Everytime I did something I knew was wrong, I'd think of him, and what he'd say if he were alive. Luckily, I was a Daddy's girl, so it has extra impact... he must have known what he was doing. As for my mom, she is the strongest woman I know. She has been through every trial you can imagine, yet nothing has made her testimony falter. She is beautiful, talented, and never fails to let her children to know they are loved and cared for. She is my role model, and always will be.
Yeah, I'd say I have it pretty good.
5 comments:
Lovely post, Rachel. Have fun in OK and be sure to post pictures from the trip! I sure wish I could be there - perhaps you can hop a quick flight to OH before heading back to UT?
Don't worry baby!! You'll always have me with you from here on out..... whether you like it or not!! ;)
Awesome post! I loved it! It's always nice to visit "home." Hoope you have a good time and that I can maybe see you! How long will you be here?
Hope you have a great time! We'll see ya in a few weeks! :)
You are right - it will only get better from here. I believe that one of the greatest gifts we have been given by our Heavenly Father is the chance for a new beginning. Whether it is a new day, a new month, a new year, or something even bigger, that opportunity to start over, make changes in our life and to become better is always there. What an amazing blessing. Thanks for your thoughts!
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