Happy Birthday

To a wonderful mother who has shown me exactly what I want to become.

This is a candid shot of my mom at my wedding... but I think it describes her perfectly. This is how you'll usually see my mother. Laughing and being incredibly personable.

My mom has taught me more than I even realize. Growing up, until my dad got sick, she was a stay at home mom. Raising 6 kids and doing it all beautifully. She'd sit on the bench waiting as we got off the school bus. There would always be some sort of dessert awaiting as well. :)

She taught us kindness, and not expecting anything in return. She came up with an anonymous way to let families in the ward, or anyone else, that they were loved. She'd spend the day cooking lots of cookies, cakes and brownies, arrange them on a plate, and have us deliver them. We'd promptly ring the doorbell, and run away. Never did anyone find out who was doing it, and that was one of the greatest things I've ever been apart of.

She taught us how to be married and happy. Her and my dad were passionately in love, and because of that, we felt loved. They put eachother first, never criticized eachother, and did their best to raise us in a loving, happy environment. They did a better job than I'm sure they ever thought they would.

And the biggest thing she has taught me was when you get an answer to prayer.. have faith, and do it. There have been a million experiences-- big and small-- that she has taken chances and moved forward, running only on faith and an answer to prayer. This is such a strength to me. I know if I get an answer to prayer, she'll support me 100%. She knows how important it is.

Another reason? She has made Alex feel like he IS apart of our family. Not just an inlaw- a son. So many nights when Alex and I were dating we'd all sit around and talk in her apartment eating pizza. We'd talk for hours about absolutely anything. Memories, goals, trials, weaknesses, strengths, the Gospel... and she was interested in every word we said. She was always excited to see him, and loves him... as he loves her. She was excited for us to get married, and excited for our future. Now that I'm married, nothing has changed. In fact, she has supported me now more than ever.

I love my mom. I love her for having the courage and faith to join the church. I love her for raising us with love and teaching us about the Gospel. I love how she rarely missed church, and taught us that it's important to be active. I love how she gave us all the opportunity to be ourselves, and make our own decisions. I love how I know no matter what, I can call my mother and feel comforted in any trial I am facing.

Thanks, Mom. For always being there for me, and for being exactly who I want to emulate.

Decisions, yay!

Well. It seems that my life has been dark and dreary over these past few weeks, but in all reality, it hasn't. I have just chosen to write about the sad things I was going through, as opposed to the good things. :) So, everything is going great right now with Alex and I.

We've (I think..) made the decision to stay here in UT until Alex finishes school. We talked it over today, and we both feel that it's best for us. We had to come to a decision of not going off what our families may want, but what we want. And ultimately, this is what we came up with. As hard as it is to know that I probably won't live in Oklahoma ever again, unless a miracle happens, I know that this is right. All I need to do is focus on what is best for our little family. It isn't necessarily "set in stone" yet, BUT we're going to pray about it over the next few days- fit in a temple date- and see how we feel. I have a good feeling about staying here though... our lives seem to always be up in the air. Good thing I'm extremely impulsive and love change!

Lately, we've been on a pretty regimented work out plan- which has made both of us feel 110% better about ourselves and our situation. It seems that everytime I'm stressed about something, or feeling overwhelmed, the two best things to do are go to the temple or workout. We've been doing both, so we're good to go. Alex says that since we've quit Dr. Pepper (our love...) and workout almost every day, he hopes to look like this:

We'll see what we can do ;)

Sad news.

Death is a weird subject for me.

I've known a few people who have passed away. There was, of course, my dad... which is the hardest obstacle I've ever had to experience. My great grandma, but I was always kind-of scared of her, and didn't know her too well. A boy from the ward I grew up in died from a illness since birth at age 20. He was a year older than me.

And I've just found out that a very close friend I had in high school committed suicide a couple weeks ago.

This is difficult for me because 1. I was extremely close with him, and 2. It was suicide. How do you take such sad news? I mean.. all I wish right now is that I could have been there.. said something.. been of some comfort to him in some way to help him re-think his decision. We were great friends from 8th grade to 10th, until I moved to Stillwater. But even then, everytime I'd visit, I'd see him around and catch up on old times. He dated my best friend, Courtney, all through that time... so we spent every waking moment together, the three of us.

It literally makes me sick to think of him so lonely and depressed to feel he had no way out. I know he had a hard life- but he seemed to be a genuinely happy person most of the time. Sure, he'd get down on life every so often... but what angst-filled teenager doesn't?

I sat in bed last night thinking about it... and I can hardly keep back the tears when I ponder on how incredibly blessed I am! My family has been through tough times and many trials, but we all stuck together and have great relationships with one another. I have an incredibly romantic, wonderful, caring husband who puts me first in everything he does. I have great in-laws who are generous and accepting. He didn't have that.

I guess all I can do at this point is pray for him, pray for those left behind, and give thanks for the life I've had.

Yesterday...

Or rather, the past two days have been very emotional and depressing. Therefore, I will make this post brighter than the last. We can't focus on the hard and difficult all the time, can we?

I really think the trials and negative feelings over the past week have been to strengthen us. All we've really been doing is thinking of ourselves rather than what God wants. We absolutely hated fighting and disagreeing. So tonight we are going to the temple to receive some peace and tranquility. After stressing nonstop for the past 48 hours, all we want to do is feel the spirit and be with eachother. We're not going to constantly focus on, "What are we going to do?!" but more "Let's pray, research, decide and ask if it's right."

SO.. who knows! Wherever we go, we know we'll be alright because we have eachother. Did I mention that my husband is amazing???? I'm sure that I say that every day, but get used to it because I'll probably say it every day from here on out. I'm very lucky!

I can't believe it's already August. This year sure has flown by and has been quite an exciting year. I'm married, my sister is married. I'm living in Utah, I'm working and I'm happy. Everything has happened so fast and the ride has definitely been worthwhile.

I know it's not too exciting to read my blog because I don't have cute quotes from my children or exciting new spectacles, but it is my life, and I'm okay with that. :)

Alas.

"None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives." -Kathleen Norris

This post isn't going to specific, and may not make sense to anyone else but me... but I'm okay with that. It is my blog after all. :)

I've been having ups and downs with a certain situation over the past few month or so. It's difficult because it so directly affects Alex and I. It seems like a win-lose situation. One of us wins, the other sacrifices. If situation is reversed, it's the same. Making life-altering decisions are difficult enough single... now that we're both trying to decide what to do- it's twice as hard.

I have lived a life of selfishness. I've always seemed to "get what I want" in relationships of the past... and only cared about me. This is the only relationship I've had where I genuinely care about the other person more than myself. I love Alex more than I could convey in words. I've learned much from my wise mother. She has taught me to appreciate and love your husband with all your heart. Do things to make him happier, put him first. If you're a feminist- then you may disagree with that statement. But I will live each day for Alex, and go to bed hoping that I've made his day just a little bit better.

So, even though I have selfish wants.. I've got to put those aside for the interest of my husband. I know what he wants deep down, and I don't want him to be upset or hurt in any way. I would willingly put my wants and desires second for him.

Alas, another adventure begins. Our life continues on as it is now.. but with a different future ahead. One that we have no idea what will happen, but I guess that is how life turns out, huh?

One thing I've learned about life is it keeps going. It never stops, and it's very short.